Right View- Update

For March and April my goals were as follows:

Life is suffering, strive to eliminate it for those around you in ways that matter to them, not yourself
End toxic relationships for good
Cultivate wholesome relationships with like-minded people: find more vegans
Avoid attachments to unnecessary or unwholesome things: stop watching reality tv
What goes in is what comes out: go organic and/or grow it yourself

Since April is coming to a close, I figured that I should take a minute to take stock of how I’m doing with these goals. Let’s take the first one, for example. Yes, my thinking is changing about what it takes to help others and what I can do to be more effective at it. But there’s a sort of hidden meaning with this one. I want to, in addition to helping those around me, also concentrate on not beating myself up because I’m not able to help them in ways that I want to. So, my friend calls and is upset about something, I want to fix it… but really what she needs is a good listener. I feel like I’m not helping at all, but she ultimately feels better. I feel guilty because I didn’t “help her” in a way that I felt she needed. This is something I’ve been working on and there’s not really a defined measurement of success, but I know that just by being here, I’m doing all I can in some cases and that should be good enough.

Ending toxic relationships: this one is a little tricky. I want to end a few relationships with people that have exceeded their usefulness and have become toxic. I really do. But it’s hard to tell someone you rarely speak to that you want to continue to stop speaking to them. In this case, I’m just letting sleeping dogs lie, as it were. I don’t think it’s worth the stress or explanation to have to contact a person to tell them you don’t want to talk to them. I have weeded out my social media sites almost entirely of people that I’m not truly friends with or that are more stress than I can handle. Woo! Small victory!

Cultivating relationships with people is rather difficult when you’re insulating yourself and nesting. It’s hard to meet people, go out and be with friends etc when all I want to do is organize the house and work on the garden. This one is going to be a work in progress i think, but I’ve already set out the feelers and have been networking with people in my field of work. THAT might pose to be more “useful” than having friends at this point.

Unwholesome attachments are something I’m pretty good at severing, I’ve decided. Yes, I spend some time on the couch watching the tube with my honey, however, lately… it’s been “reality” shows of a different kind… home improvement shows! I could literally watch home and garden shows all day. This is sort of my new obsession, mainly because there are so many interesting ideas and new things that have come out to make my home not only functional (which is a MUST) but also really beautiful. I cannot wait to put some of these ideas in motion. It’s going to be epic!

Finally, of course, the garden. Aside from having to outsmart a small pack of animals (our dogs and the neighborhood cat population), it’s slow at best. I’m not sure if it’s the weather, the seeds we started with or what… but the garden is appearing to be a constant work in progress. Chalk one up for us though. We caged it so it’s no longer a litter box. 🙂

Anyway, look for more updates in the next few days as I prepare for next month and the subsequent goals!

(Calgary Buddhist Temple http://www.calgary-buddhist.ab.ca/statue.htm)

 

 

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~ by wendemachete on April 23, 2012.

4 Responses to “Right View- Update”

  1. I completely understand the ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ comment. It is true, at times I have felt strong enough to finally tell that person who has been an ’emotional vampire’ for years that you are ready to let them go… to suddenly realise they have moved on (probably to the next victim) anyway. However, just knowing that you don’t need somebody can be extremely liberating. I have spent most of my life afraid of letting people go, finding myself desperately trying to keep in contact with those who weren’t that fussed about you really, rather than making time for those who did……Whereas now I am able to surround myself with people who genuinely care, which has been the most rewarding thing of all 🙂

    • Wow, how do you do that?! I hold on to friends WAY past their prime and try to keep relationships going that are completely DOA. But I guess this is just part of my learning process and this Happiness Project altogether. I’m figuring out all these things that make me happier, less burdened by loss and ultimately more happy (while being less stressed out). And I love your use of “emotional vampire”. That’s one of those sayings that convey it’s EXACT meaning in striking clarity.

      Thanks so much for the comment katiepede! Please feel free to write back anytime. 🙂

  2. Ahhh, well to be honest, as I never actually said anything, then I think I may have been ‘all talk and no trousers’….. But even just recognising that a relationship is poisonous, is a good thing. I hate upsetting anybody, so I wonder (thinking of one person in particular) had they have pushed me whether I would have said anything. I like to think that I would have had enough gumption to have, but I suppose with that relationship I will never know. I will however, ensure that in the future I try and only form friendships with people who are genuinely good people, and who are nice to me 🙂 xxx

    • I think that’s great advice. I need to be a little more selective in my friend choices I think. Simply, I want to believe that everyone is good, has the best intentions and are genuine. Sadly, people continue to prove otherwise. Oh well, smile and keep on truckin’ is my motto. 🙂

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