Sayonara August, Heeeeellllllo September!

As August FINALLY comes to a close, I reflect, as I always do, on my goals and things I’ve been working on.

I have to admit I could have probably put a bit more effort into my goals the last few weeks, but it’s been a complete disaster with most things in life. Work stresses, school started and they stress me out more than just about anything… plus there’s been a healthy dose of personal life struggles as well. So, yes, I could have devoted a bit more to the master plan here, but I just needed to focus on other things and that has been one of my goals: not being so hard on myself. I’ve done the best I can with what I’ve been given and I have to be ok with that. And, for the most part, I am.

The last couple of weeks have been particularly challenging because of what I “lovingly” call the brain plague. The brain plague is a term I use for when my mind is going constantly, dwelling on things, particularly the past. I am a chronic comparer. By this I mean, I compare situations, people, myself… to things that I know. I compare last year, around this time, to now… to see what I was doing, how I’ve changed, how my life is better or worse. I do this with most things and as I’ve gotten older, thankfully, I do it less and less with people other than me. Historically, I’d compare people that I know to former people… I’m glad that’s *mostly* gone, but mentally, I still compare how I felt about certain types of situations and certain types of people, to see if the circumstances are better or worse or my actions are either of those. The brain plague is a particular type of dwelling I do about my personal history and it comes on occasion, especially in August for some reason. The thing that I’ve noticed this year about the brain plague is that I’m far less effected directly by the thoughts, but more the feelings. This has been a tough one because I’ve been feeling extra sensitive as of late and I’ve been picking up a lot of strange vibes. My motto has been “there’s something in the air”. Almost like a weight. I know that once I get the school rhythm and work balance figured out for the semester, the universe will right itself and I’ll be able to breathe again. Just a couple more days!

So my goals are:

September and October
~Right Action
Be honest with myself and others, in thoughts, words and deeds, with compassion
Be generous: make time, give back and pay it forward
Find fun!: spend more time with those I love having adventures
Now, upon reading these goals, one might think that I’m a greedy, lying bore. Quite the contrary! However, I think that I have some tailoring to do with these goals. Being honest with myself means that I have to create boundaries and stick to them, as well as communicating honestly with myself and others if they have been crossed. I have a hard time with confrontation and I want to be able to express to people when I am hurt or upset and why. But I also want to be more open to others because I am often too reserved in certain situations. I think that will be a difficult part of the goals, being more open.

Generosity comes in various forms and I’m no stranger to giving… to a fault. But again, this is where boundaries come into play. However, I want to be generous in more meaningful ways. That means that I’ve got to not just do everything for those around me, which I’m prone to doing, but making time… especially time. But that also leads into having adventurous fun. I’m looking to have more fun and doing it with the people I love will not only create amazing memories, but it’ll also lend to me meeting like minded people to expand my friend base. Win/Win. 🙂

Anyway, after all the blathering, I’m looking forward to a new set of goals and enjoying the next few months! Woohoo!

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~ by wendemachete on August 30, 2012.

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