Right action Update! Sorta…

Even if you do nothing, you’re making a choice… even if you’re not acting, you’re causing reactions.

This has been a difficult concept for me to understand over the years, but more recently, I’ve come to truly understand the concept and have successfully applied it to my life. Too often we are not living the life we want, even if it’s something so simple as not spending enough time doing whatever it is we enjoy. But more often than not, we’re seemingly trapped into this rut of an existence that is doing nothing but fostering our ulcers and making us nuts. In my case, it’s prepping me for my future heart attack.

The goals for this seasonal transition from Summer to Fall are pretty direct and apply to my ability to live an authentic life, on my terms. It started with the major upheaval, but now all these smaller things are dwindling. The first and most important aspect of “right action” is really my ability to ASK for what I want with great honesty and compassion. I have to ask myself what I truly want. I have to ask others if they want to go along with what I want, since they’re in charge of themselves, of course. I don’t get to make decisions that affect others without at least asking…

Anyway, my ability to be self aware is imperative. Almost more importantly though,  is for me to be honest with others. I think self-honesty is much easier than asking those around me for anything… let alone showing them that I am vulnerable. Showing your belly is tough when you keep getting punched in it. But I keep harping on other people to be brutally honest, to be vulnerable… and here I am struggling with it. It’s so much easier to tell others what to do… yet very hard to take your own advice.

Surprisingly, I’ve also been struggling with this whole concept of “having fun”. I mean, it’s not HARD exactly, but giving myself permission to not constantly be working or focusing on something is. However, I’ve been fortunate enough to have great people in my life that remind me that all work and no play makes me a dull girl. Nobody likes that. By the same token, I am having the hardest time focusing on school. I am just so over it… meanwhile I’m talking about grad school; more on that another time.

In typical “me” form, I’m not struggling really at all in the generosity part of things, except in one instance. But that isn’t because I don’t want to be generous; I have demonstrated my extreme ability to give in this case… It just conflicts directly with my present and future goals to continue to be generous here. I think by continuing to give, I’m not only doing myself a disservice by not living my life the way I want to, but I’m also doing the parties involved a disservice too. This is where that honesty thing and generosity must strike some sort of balance. Sadly, it’s easier said than done.

Considering all this and more that is happening in my life at the current moment, I feel happier than I have in a very long time. I know that I am slowly building my ideal life and with that comes ideal happiness. This is not to say that things are or will ever be “perfect”, because I can assure you, they’re not and they never will be. I have and will continue to struggle, grow and change. There will always be adversity and things that I must overcome throughout my life. But I feel as if I’m better able to cope with adversity and face these challenges without as much fear and with more knowhow about what I can handle. I have come to understand that people are able to overcome MUCH more than they give themselves credit for. I have seen it in myself and in others. Humans are incredibly resilient creatures and each of us has amazing power to persevere.

Now, if I could just make a decision out of a wet paper bag, everything would work itself out. Until then… there’s more to learn.

Until next time kids!

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~ by wendemachete on October 3, 2012.

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