Chaos and more

I have learned a many valuable lesson in my life and I think picking your battles wisely is one of the main ones. To bring it back to the heart of this blog, happiness, Buddhism and life… Right Speech, Right Action and Right Thought. I have recently gotten out of the habit of monitoring my thoughts, words and actions so closely as I did when I was sticking to the Happiness Project. I’ve also noticed that petty fights and arguments with people are damn hard to avoid sometimes. You’re having a regular conversation and suddenly you’re arguing about nothing. Also, in our modern world of hustle and bustle, being overwhelmed and exhausted causes more than it’s fair share of squabbles. And sometimes, I know I’m guilty, you’re just crabby or sensitive for no reason.

Another thing that I’ve realized is that the more involved you are with someone, with their life… the more arguments arise. So, naturally, you’re going to fight more with your spouse, kids, families… just due to proximity and level of intimacy. So you fight with the people you care about the most. Talk about irony. However, I’ve been forced to learn the hard way all of these lessons, and I’m still learning them. I find that as soon as I feel like things are going well, someone will say something hurtful and I’ll react or I’ll just be crabby and snap at someone, causing a HUGE blow out.

This is where picking your battles comes in. For most people when they are hurt or being sensitive, the hardest thing in the world is to say you’re sorry. All you want to do is make the hurt stop somehow and curiously, we often do it by hurting others and/or escalating the argument to “win” it. As everyone knows in their rational mind, this doesn’t work…. at all. It just wounds everyone involved, making reconciliation even harder to sometimes accomplish. However, if we make the rational choice to not react when we are hurt, we end many fights before they begin. I know as well as anyone that this is FAR easier said than done. But the fact remains.

Instead of reacting when you’re slighted or hurt, it gives you space to choose your words, thoughts and actions more carefully. Often it’s said that “it all happened so fast” in regards to a fight, it happens suddenly and gets nasty real fast. By taking that minute or second to think, instead of immediately snap back, it creates that slowing down of time. And better yet, it prevents you from saying things that you cannot take back.

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The words “I’m sorry” and “I love you” are incredibly powerful if they are said in truth. Passive-aggressive, placating “I’m sorry” doesn’t do the trick and telling someone you love them when you really don’t is one of the greatest sins people can make toward one another, in my opinion. It not only is a colossal lie, but it degrades what those words mean… they are the verbal expression of a very true and sincere feeling. It should never be taken lightly or tampered with. To me, love is sacred and when it’s taken for granted or used as the base for lies… there’s no coming back from that. It’s officially tainted.

However, if you’re fighting with someone, you can muster those words to spring true from within and you have the courage to say them to end or at least bring down the conflict, you are a strong person and on the right path. Sincerity is the key.

Anyway, fighting less and when you do fight, fighting kindly are great ways to eliminate chaos from everyday life. I had a good run there for a while, but with intense pressure and stress in my daily life, keeping that rhythm has been incredibly tough. I know it’s been tough on those around me because I’m definitely way more edgy these days, but I try my best. Everyday, I make the effort to touch base with important people, just to say hi, and let them know that they’re on my mind. I also do my absolute best at telling and showing those close to me that I love them and value their presence in my life. This is many times just a simple “thank you for everything”. Right now, I’ve noticed that I’ve been saying that particular phrase A LOT because I have a lot of people helping me keep myself together, and without them I’d surely be lost.

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~ by wendemachete on September 15, 2013.

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