Best laid plans

Most of us travel through our lives planning most things, like education, career, what’s for dinner. Yet, at the same time, life happens to us. There is a multitude of things that happen that we simply cannot control, and for those who follow the Buddhist path- trying to control these things brings about much of our daily suffering. 

I feel as though most of the last several years has really just been a series of my best laid plans getting obliterated by life. For instance, we sold our house. Seems easy enough, right? Up until 3 days before we were to close, there was seemingly no chance the deal was happening. We had stopped packing, nothing was ready. Then all of a sudden the investment group that was buying it came through and we had 10 days to vacate so they could begin renovating. We had nowhere to go, nothing was packed. I work and my husband cares for our new baby, and we had 10 days. 

Needless to say, it’s been nothing but upheaval, chaos, uncertainty and anxiety. We still haven’t closed on another house, and every day it seems the financing is in jeopardy. I feel like I’m existing in a suspended state of panic all the time. 

Yes, I’m fully aware that this is a first world problem, buying and selling real estate, but that doesn’t negate the real stress that we are experiencing. I’ve tried to let it roll off my back, made the conscious effort to reframe the situation in a positive light, but the only things that keep me from curling up in a ball of paralyzing fear are my husband and daughter. I know that I’m the only one working and they both need me more than ever. 

We will get through these struggles, because we don’t really have a choice. For my sanity, and all of our health and safety, if the plan doesn’t work, I mush continually change the plan until it does. Trust me, nothing about this is ideal, but we have to make choices and sacrifices to survive. 

Unfortunately, it’s been this way for me since I can remember and I wonder if this truly IS the human experience. Is this all there is? Constantly juggling the elements of our lives in hopes that the thing we drop isn’t that important? 

Of course, my life doesn’t occur in a vacuum. There’s billions of others struggling with their lives too. Many people have many sufferings and my heart truly aches for them. People who have no homes, their lives are affected by violence, who cannot make ends meet, and more. I have experienced many troubles in my life, but I am still absolutely blessed. 

Because I know suffering, loss, heartbreak, and tragedy I’ve decided this holiday season to give back and pay it forward. Friends and family of mind are banding together to donate time, warm clothes, food and more to those in need. I am tired of living a life of fear and loss. I am starting to live with hope and gratitude, so much so that I’m willing to share my limited resources with people who have less. 

I wish you all a happy holiday season. Stay tuned for my ‘year in review’ coming soon. Thank you so much for your support this year. 

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~ by wendemachete on December 3, 2015.

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